Q: I am a born-again Christian, but occasionally I get very depressed. There are times when I can't see past right now, and feel I would be better off if I committed suicide. Some people tell me that I will go to hell if I do this. Other times, I don't necessarily want to die, but don't really care if I live. I mean, aren't we better off in Heaven, with no worries, pains or trials? What are your thoughts on this? And is there a scripture that says someone will go to hell if they commit suicide?

A: First of all, my friend, let me tell you that you are not alone. I know the exact feelings you are having. I struggled with depression and hopelessness for years after I received Christ as my Savior. I had been teaching, preaching and ministering, but sometimes, mostly in bed at night, when it seemed such an effort just to think about waking up the next morning and getting through the next day. Sound familiar? Many prayers went up on my behalf, I went through deliverance, and studied the scriptures. I would always feel guilty afterwards, but it wouldn't keep me from feeding on the feelings next time they entered my mind, even though I tried to rebuke them.

Let me stop here and say that I fully support Christian counseling, and in no way are we trying to take the place of professional therapists in the answer to this question. You may need deep healing with a therapist's assistance, or possibly a medication. We are not here to make that determination, just to share our experiences, and encourage you. First let me address the part of your question regarding going to hell if you commit suicide. This is totally based on my personal study and search of the scriptures and, believe me, I looked many times to try and justify this action. It certainly says that murder is a sin, and that murderers will suffer the second death, or hell. (Rev.21:8). But let's think about this. It also says that about the cowardly, as well. And liars. So does that mean that we should not be cowards or liars just to keep from going to hell? I think not. God has given us a free will, and although He wishes us to avoid sin, He wants our motivation to be based on our relationship with Him, not a set of rules.

Let's look at what the implication is when we want to commit suicide. I'll share an experience I had with the Lord; the experience that delivered me from the bondage of these depressive thoughts once and for all. I was in my personal devotions to the Lord, just singing and praying and waiting on Him to guide me or speak to me. In my mind, I was trying hard to concentrate (my mind wanders sometimes!), so I closed my eyes and tried to picture God in Heaven, best as I could. I saw His face in my spirit, and He was crying. Oh, my, I thought, what could make God cry "What's wrong, Lord?" And He answered me, "I am grieved because of all the times you wanted to take your life. I have such plans for you, and you don't trust me." I can't tell you where His Words ended and my thoughts began, but I got the message loudly and clearly. I had hurt God's feelings. I was crushed. I had never considered my depressive cycle in that light.

 Just think  if you had been a good friend to someone, and whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on, you were there for him. You cried and laughed together. When he needed to be cheered up, you were there. If he was a few dollars short, you gave a helping hand. If he needed a place to stay during tough times, you were there for him. Time after time, year after year, situation after situation. Then suppose one day your friend says to you, "I am in a bad situation. You have never done anything for me. You are not a good friend. I don't trust that you will be there for me in the future. I don't even know why I hang around with you. I'm finished. I'm outta here. Permanently." Wow, can you image how you would feel? You'd be thinking, Gee, I thought I was a good friend. I always did what I could; I went out of my way to help, even when I had to sacrifice, and I tried to make my friend's life better. And now he is leaving me. How can he forget all the things I did for him? And doesn't he realize that I would help him again if he needed it? Are things so bad that leaving is actually a better option than staying with my friend through thick and thin?

That is only a small model compared to the enormity of blessings that the Lord has given us. But our actions are saying, "You haven't done enough for me. I don't trust that you'll bring me out of this situation, or this addiction, or this dead marriage. I think it would be better if I just decide to end it all." How hurtful that must be to the Lord. Let's look at another aspect. OK, you decide to end it all. Is that really what you're doing? Ending what? We have been given eternal life. Would it shock you if I said EVERYONE has eternal life NOT just born-again believers in Christ? Hold it, now, let me explain. Yes, EVERYONE will live eternally; the question is will you live eternally in heavenly places with the Lord, or will you live eternally in hell, separated forever from God? If you think it's tough now, just think what it would be if you were eternally separated from God.

How we overcome on this earth determines the position we will have in the Kingdom hereafter. And if we are trying to live Godly lives here on earth, then we may as well go the distance, because eternity is a long time to be in a lowly position in Heaven because we didn't overcome through the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony. Yes, even a lowly position in Heaven is more glorious than being in Hell, but there will be rank and order in the Kingdom, and if you are faithful over the small things here on earth, He will make you ruler over many. Don't miss your glorious destiny. 

A noted writer, John Bevere, explains it like this, for you mathematicians. Any number divided by infinity is zero. OK, so what does that mean? Suppose you live 80 years here on earth. Seems like a long time, doesn't it? Well, our 80 years, divided by infinity is zero. In other words, our time on earth, going through all we go through, ups and downs, trials and temptations, happiness and success, disappointments and woes, is going to amount to zero time, or a flash in the pan, compared to the time we will spend in eternity. So let's just hold on to Jesus, the author and the finisher of our faith. That means He wrote the book on you! And the last chapter has not been written. Your days have been numbered by God.

One more thing. Sometimes depression comes as a result of worthlessness or despair. Or questions such as, "Why am I here?" and "What is life all about?" and "What's the purpose of all this?" The Word of God says that without a vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18. Another translation is "If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed. Maybe some of you don't know your purpose, or your vision, or what it is that you are supposed to accomplish in life and for the Lord. So we'll be praying that the Lord reveals your vision and purpose, and will point out the first steps toward that path. "For God knows the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. The Message Bible translates this passage as "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Isn't it reassuring that GOD knows what He is doing, even when we don't?

Let's go the Lord, the one who writes the chapters in the Book of our lives:

Dear Lord, I have to admit that it gets rough sometimes. I can't seem to see my way out of this. It seems so dark and I'm desperately trying to hold on. But I have to admit that there were many times that I saw no way out, and you always came through right on time. I'm asking you to give me faith, to reveal my purpose, to speak to me any way you see fit to bring clarity to my life and thoughts. I refuse to listen to the devil any more, and I take authority over his demonic stronghold. I refuse to die, but choose to live a life that is in Christ. The abundant life that Christ promised. I will not grieve God, I will not give up. Your Word tells me that I am more than a conqueror through Christ, and that I am always victorious. The gates of Hell may come, but will not prevail, or be successful. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I am going on in Christ, and letting Him write the book. I ask now that you forgive me, Lord, for not trusting you. I repent of those thoughts, and ask that you renew my mind with your love and your word. I am a willing servant Lord. Use me for your Glory. Thank you for my life in Christ. Forever. Amen.